tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230030598152104539.post3144537557210588462..comments2009-07-26T22:25:45.161+02:00Comments on Adriaan-on-tour: Depression: April 26, 2009Adriaan-on-tourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16904272345730987702noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230030598152104539.post-62382716537189448492009-05-08T05:00:00.000+02:002009-05-08T05:00:00.000+02:00Thanks John. You offer a valuable and interesting ...Thanks John. You offer a valuable and interesting perspective - all of which I can agree. That is why a brief discussion on depression something like I wrote only gets the ideas rolling. It is so complex and very inner driven. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.<br />AdriaanAdriaan-on-tourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16904272345730987702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230030598152104539.post-88147019357872618282009-05-07T07:34:00.000+02:002009-05-07T07:34:00.000+02:00Adriaan,
I find much of your experience echos my ...Adriaan,<br /><br />I find much of your experience echos my own. While we each have a unique world view and life experience, I know you and I share much. I also believe we share this with many many others. Yes, there are variations, but they are, I believe, based on (more or less) the same theme. I also believe it is this somewhat self-delusional belief that we are at once unique and therefore alone, that no one else "understands", that only increases our sense of alienation, and down the spiral we go. (It sort of goes hand in hand with the delusion that we are safe in the closet, that we are fooling everybody about our sexuality.)<br /><br />Does having friends in the same boat make it any easier? Perhaps. Or perhaps not ... it doesn't help that deep isolation that is at the core of a lot of depression. But I feel that by recognizing our "common humanity" or our "common human condition" that we can move past this. I think this is part of the loss of sense of community (dare I say church) you talked about. I also think that by openly and honestly reconnecting to our community, that we begin to re-value ourselves again.<br /><br />In my experience, depression has been very much about the loss of personal power, of the belief that I am unable to make things better for myself, to help myself. Yet, in truth, I am the ONLY one who can make things better! All the love of my partner and all the best wishes and hopes and efforts of my friends and caregivers amount to nothing unless I allow their caring into my life. And for that, we must accept that we have some value, some worth. And to some degree, resolve to look beyond ourselves, to not be so inward or self focused or centered (I even want to go so far as to say selfish.)<br /><br />I want to speak to that sense of worthiness you talked about. From a very early age (four or five), as the son of an Anglican minister, I knew I was different. I didn't know I was gay or queer, but I knew I didn't like what other boys liked ... rather I liked other boys instead. At first that wasn't a problem for me, but others quickly made it obvious that it was a problem for them. Somehow, even at the early age of eight years, I knew I was loved by my God. I knew he made this special person who could see the world from many different perspectives, that he had given me a very great gift. But I have learned over the years that many gifts come with great burdens. And this gift of empathic compassion has troubled me deeply for many decades. Often I have despaired at being able to see the grief and pain in others and having to sit by quietly, hoping and waiting for the day when things would get better. I often felt that if I wasn't able to help make things better, then having this gift of insight was a curse. And I did bury that pain in drugs, in self rejection and in self debasement ... for awhile.<br /><br />I remember one therapy session where I was beginning to be tired of playing the role of a victim. I turned to my counsellor and commented that "Nothing really changes until I decide." I will never forget that rather enigmatic, somewhat infuriating Buddha grin that came across his face. I now know this was the true start of when things began to improve for me. It was also when I started to re-engage with myself, my partner, my friends and society and why, today, I am deeply involved with BCPWA. Yes, I bring value there. But the value I get in return (even with the bureaucratic grief) is well worth it.<br /><br />You also make a comment about us being perfect beings. I think this sets us up to fail. I think we are far from perfect, even in the most relaxed spiritual sense of that word. Rather we strive for perfection, and that is a journey. True perfection is reserved for saints and Buddha's ... not us mere mortals!<br /><br />Darren Hayes, the now out member of Savage Garden has a beautiful song called "Affirmation." Give it a listen if you can find it. It truly speaks to much of what you talk about.<br /><br />You are not alone unless you choose to be. I am not alone unless I choose to be. Alone we achieve little beyond self agonizing navel gazing. Together we can bring change to at least some small part of this fractured and isolating world.<br /><br />Be the change you want to see in the world.<br />(Mahatma Gandhi)<br /><br />Love and peace<br />;-jAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17662559656640216426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230030598152104539.post-53363021381616144012009-05-05T14:38:00.000+02:002009-05-05T14:38:00.000+02:00thanks for sharing, Adriaan. This was a very inspi...thanks for sharing, Adriaan. This was a very inspiring entry for me.Philippehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05239098308161167170noreply@blogger.com